12-8-14 My Eyes are Up Here--The Post-Op CANCELLED

Hi Friends,

This post is the one that I had thought would be the most helpful...the one that I had searched the internet for when I was trying to prepare for surgery...the one explaining everything about the recovery.

I had plans to say something about how it wasn't that the BIG REVEAL was not that bad...that it was reminiscent of girlhood (at about age 10). It's not. I am thankful for the nurse who told us that the first time you see "It" is the worst it will ever look. But I really don't feel like going into details about what things do look like.

I had plans to tell you how I had 1/4 inch of hair and it was beautiful and curly...I do not have any hair yet. Well, maybe nubs. And, from what I can see of the nubs, it looks...white!!!

I had plans to tell you how I had bounced right back and was back to my normal life within a week...I'm not.

And I had plans to leave you thinking I was Superwoman...I am definitely not. One day I am filled with gratefulness to God that it is all behind me and that, we believe, all cancer is gone. The very next day I am crying because I am tired...tired of feeling tired...tired of not being 100%...tired of not being able to do what I want...tired of feeling sequestered and alone. Reminiscent of the Israelites in the desert, isn't it??

But, I will tell you these things...

1. Pain has continued to be a non-issue. I am numb pretty much from armpit to bottom of ribs. When the drains were pulled I had no idea it was going on. The numbness is from them messing around with nerves, I guess, and should either lessen or disappear completely, but it could take a year.

2. As with any major surgery, I am still tired. I will have an energetic day (well, relatively speaking) and then, the next day, I am exhausted. I still sleep...a lot. I've heard it takes quite awhile to get all the anesthesia out of your system.

3. I have lost some weight--which would be good because chemotherapy added 10 pounds (crazy, huh?)--oh, wait, I just had a bilateral mastectomy...let's think about why I've lost weight...

4. My magnesium was normal last week...the first time in about two months with no IV!!

5. There was (before surgery) a minuscule portion of the tumor remaining, so it was a good thing that surgery was done and they removed everything remaining. Nothing in any lymph nodes.

6. Dear friends came over Saturday and wrapped all my presents. Kids, your presents never looked so good!!!

7. BBC Period dramas are very good time fillers.

8. My taste buds are back!!! I am very thankful for this. The remaining side effects from chemo that I look forward to lessening are tingling in my hands and feet and low energy level.

9. Go get your mammogram and do your self-exams. NOW!!!

10. God has been with me, carrying me, whether I knew it at the time or not. I cannot see how this whole experience...twice...can be what is best for me. But I have to trust that God Knows.

I don't know if I'll get a Christmas card out this year or not. This may be it. If it is, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I hope you get to see special family and friends. I hope you get the present of your dreams. I hope you feel loved this Christmas. I hope you remember that we are celebrating the birth of God's Son.

Love,

Kitt.