11-18-14 My Eyes are Up Here-Prelim

I have thought long and hard about whether to write this blog, the one about my surgery. I am pretty open about everything that happens to me, and have no problem talking about it all with women, but I feel kind of funny about talking about these private parts when I know men read my blog.

So, here's the deal...I will write about my surgery...I will be pretty, kind of, mostly open about it all (women, if you want more detail, just ask me!) Men, you are allowed to read my blog, mostly because you all have a wife, mother, sister, who may have to walk this road at some point. However, you are NOT allowed to post any comments on these blogs. Ever. You are to be silent stalkers of these blogs. Got it?

These are just my opinions and decision making processes--everyone has decisions to make about their own care and they may be 100% different than my decisions. Both can be right...


A couple points to set the stage...

1. The surgery is called a masTectomy, not a massectomy. 
2. I am having a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction.  I just have zero interest in having the reconstruction surgery. (Even though one procedure involves taking fat from your tummy and injecting it into your boobs. Really.) I don't know just why it does not interest me. Maybe because I've never been totally happy with "the girls." They've always been a grave disappointment to me. Maybe because I don't want surgery to be any worse than it already will be. Maybe because I don't think the results will look like real bosoms. This is just what I have decided for me.
3. It will involve 1-2 nights in the hospital. That's it. Seems like you should get a week in a spa if you have to endure this. (BTW--I would prefer no visitors during this hospital stay (except Loy, of course. I would like some time to adjust to all this before "going public.")

I have realized that I am not working (not at all) to adjust to the thought of what life will be like bosom-less. I am concerned enough about surgery and just want to get through that. I'll worry about the mental adjustment when it's time. Don't know if that is wise, but that's what I'm doing. I had a dream the other night that I was being prepped for surgery and they were going to have me walk into the operating room. Right before we left the prep area they put a black hood over my head--like the kind they do when they execute someone!!! Creepy!!! We've got to get this surgery in the rear view mirror!!!

My MRI was Monday and it showed...NO CANCER!!! None. Zip. That is the best possible news there could ever be!!! We still do the surgery, just to give me better chance of long-term survival, though. 

Therefore, surgery is scheduled for Monday, unless someone cancels before then--and if they do, their time is mine!!! The doctor says I will be pleasantly surprised at how little discomfort there will be post-op. I have a hard time believing this. There are no restrictions on me and he wants me to move around and be up and about as much as possible afterwards.

Since breast tissue is not like removing a gall bladder, all in a little sac that you remove, it is impossible for doctors to remove every single breast tissue cell. So there is always a chance that some random cell will "turn to the dark side" down the road. But, we will NOT allow that to happen, right???

Insurance is fighting me all the way. They don't want me to go to St. Elizabeth's Hospital (but they DID finally approve it). They didn't think I needed another MRI (I mean, they know better than a doctor, right?) They are disputing the need for additional genetic testing because I had it done six years ago, back when they check two genes. Now they check 25 genes. I keep fighting. 

So, if you want to pray, please pray:

1. That there would be a cancellation this week to get this over with for me!
2. That I would not have too much discomfort post-op.
3. That cancer would be eliminated forever in my body.
4. That my magnesium levels would get back to normal (caused by the chemo being hard on my kidneys--I have had seven magnesium IV's in the past 6 weeks.)
5. That I could regain some strength. I am so wimpy right now!!!!

Thanks!!!

Kitt.