10-29-14 LAST ONE!!!

Well, yesterday was the LAST CHEMO…EVER!!! (I figured I'd play the optimist with that prediction!) It's crazy, but I was more anxious and nervous about this one than any of the past ones. I figure maybe it was because for every single other chemo I have had at least two days where I felt normal and I had zero normal days this time. But, I made it through.

The doctor said she is not sure if she can feel the tumor or if it's just scar tissue (since the tumor was kind of right near the old scar.) I have an MRI scheduled for the 17th (we have to wait a while so this chemo has a chance to work), then I see the doctor on the 18th and have blood work and get cleared for surgery. I go straight to the surgeon after than and he checks me out and then schedules surgery--they said it would probably be the same week!! Then let the real recuperating begin!!

I am waiting for my ride now to go get my $7,500 shot, then will camp out on the couch the rest of the day…errr..week. But I keep thinking, "This is the last time. This is the last time." It's a good feeling. Makes up for the shaky legs and jittery fingers and icky taste in my mouth and light-headedness.

The elder prayer session was very special to me. I sort of hoped I'd feel this burning in my boob which would indicate the tumor was exploding or dying or something, but no… Maybe God chose to work a little more non-dramatically.

That's all for me right now. Just thought I'd share my joy with you!!

Love,

Kitt.

10-23-24 Circle the Wagons

Well, my LAST chemo session is next Tuesday!!!! Yippee!!! I keep thinking, "One week from now, that will be over!" I am so glad to say good bye to this portion of my life! FOREVER!!!

This Sunday the Elders at my church are going to pray over me. I don't always understand just why God's ways work (OK, usually I don't understand the mind of God!) but I know He tells us to have the Elders pray: "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord." --James 5:14 

And He tells us that: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." --James 5:16

And also: "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." --Matthew 7:7

Or how about this one?  "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. 'There was a judge in a certain city,' he said, 'who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’

"Then the Lord said, 'Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?'”  --Luke 18:1-8

So, it's kind of a mystery how God decides to answer prayer. Or why we need to ask more than once. But, He says again and again to pray and keep praying and to have others pray. So, I'm taking Him at His word and asking the Elders--and You--to pray for me this Sunday (October 26) at 12:00. 

Here are my prayer requests:

1. That this final chemo on Tuesday, October 28,  would kill, annihilate, obliterate, eliminate, eradicate all the remaining cancer. Or any cells that will ever turn into cancer. Forever.

2. That I would tolerate the final chemo--this last one has been tough. I've had to have two different magnesium IV sessions (not painful--just a bother). Lack of magnesium causes fatigue and muscle weakness. So, I do a little bit then rest. Then do a little bit, then rest. 

3. That surgery would be able to be scheduled in November. That when Dr. Norris does surgery he would be very thorough and skilled. That I would recuperate quickly from surgery--physically and emotionally.

4. That Loy and I would have stamina for the remainder of treatment/surgery. We're tired and worn and beat up. Oh so tired. 

5. I don't want them to pray this one, but probably should add it…that no matter what happens, I will be able to rely on and trust in God's will and goodness. (I don't want to pray this one because it acknowledges that things may not turn out the way I want them to.)

This week was Loy's fall break so we did do a few things…saw the "Alexander" movie, which is really cute--even if you don't take kids. Drove around two state parks to look around--sat on a park bench while Loy checked out the falls. (Falls? In Nebraska???) Ate noodles on top of mashed potatoes on top of toast at a small town cafe and loved every bite of it!

Thank you for all the praying. Thank you for all the cards and gift cards and scarves and earrings and visits and lemon slushes and notebooks and books and DVD's and music CD's you've sent me. I really feel the love!!

Kitt.

10-14-14 Pink Power

He will cover you with his feathers.

    He will shelter you with his wings.

    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

…

I will reward them with a long life.     

 --Psalm 91-ish

This is Post Chemo Week and I've been getting a few emails asking how I'm doing, so it must be time to write something. The trouble is…my life is pretty slow right now. 

I have just one chemo left, praise the Lord!! That will be on October 28. Then I will have scans and, when the doctor deems me fit, will schedule surgery, hopefully before December 1. (I have Blue Cross insurance and I only have until December 1 to have the surgery at STE--after that I have to go to Bryan. I have nothing against Bryan, just that all my stuff and records is at STE.) 

Chemo has gotten progressively worse. Well, let me clarify that. The actual chemo session is no worse. The side effects the following three weeks are what's getting worse. And I guess that is to be expected. The tumor is shrinking, but I had hoped it would be totally annihilated by now and, evidently, it is still there. Just smaller. But, smaller is good… 

What does it feel like to be recovering from chemo? First few days there is lightheadedness--so much that I may take a knee while walking to the kitchen or in the shower. (I only shower when Loy is around those first few days.) Next, I progress on to the worst taste in my mouth that you've ever tasted! After a couple delightful days of that, we move on to feeling like you feel when you're just recovering from a bout of the real influenza. You know what I mean…when you get up to do something incredibly hard like get a drink and you think, "Gee, I've got to go lay down. My legs feel funny." But, thankfully, God made our bodies so they can bounce back and one day (I'm guessing tomorrow) I wake up and think, "Made it." 

I am pretty much totally bald now, which DOES cut off a lot of time in front of the mirror in the mornings. I got one wig--a sporty little red one. Personally, I think I look incredibly cute in it, but it gives me a headache, so I wear it sparingly. Just when I want to go out without strangers looking at me and knowing I am sick. ("Oh, she is so brave to be out!") Usually I do scarves or hats. And, just for the record, bald heads get COLD!!! I mean, just in bed! I figure that maybe by Christmas I may be able to sport just short, short hair. We'll see how fast it comes back in. Hope it's not white…but I'll take care of that if it is!  :)

I sold my car to my sister (for some of her 13 kids). Loy had told me a couple years ago I could get a new car whenever I was ready, but I liked my 10 year old Camry and it was a good car. But, when I got cancer I thought, "Gee…I have CANCER. I'm getting a new car." I was all set on a Prius (but I'm not planning on getting the new car until AFTER chemo is done.) but then put a search into a  website and a sporty little Cadillac came up as my perfect car. I may have to rethink this car thing! I only drive one out of three weeks right now. The first week I'm kind of drugged, so don't drive. Loy thinks I'm kind of spacey and goofy the second week (I beg to differ) but I humor him and don't drive that week either. That leaves me Week #3 to drive, and since he walks to work, it's doable for now. But the car question is consuming my thoughts often these days.

Well, that's about it for me right now. I watch way too much TV and sleep lots. Richard Castle (do you watch that show?) is my new best friend. My dogs are getting fat and lazy sleeping on the couch with me. And I plan trips…constantly. I have a map over the couch and the trips that I've planned with take us years to complete!! This weekend we will head to Sioux Falls for a child dedication of the two cutest kiddoes in the world. 

Kitt Out.

10-5-14 Bum…ba bum…ba bum ba bum ba bum (JAWS theme)

Well, Chemo #5 (out of 6) is fast approaching. And I hear that sinister music pretty much all the time. It's kind of disheartening to just start to feel better and know you have to go in and feel crummy again.

Tuesday I will spend the day in the company of the chemo nurses.

This Chemo cycle has been a little tougher. While I haven't felt TERRIBLE, I haven't bounced back to feeling good. Tired, tired, tired. And my stomach is not feeling right. I shopped one day this week for an hour and fifteen minutes and about died!! I wasn't sure I would make it back to the car!! That shows you how tired I am--unable to shop!

Last weekend I got a bad case of self-pity and pretty much had to make sure I was hydrating--the tears just kept coming. That has passed, thankfully.

If you think of me, could you please pray:

That I wouldn't focus so much on what's coming up as just living today.

That next cycle would go a bit smoother--fast recovery.

That I would not get discouraged.

That every single cancer cell, every single cell that might turn into a cancer cell, would be killed by this chemo. (Actually, the chemo they are giving me does not kill the cancer. It messes with it's DNA making it unable to reproduce.)

I'll update later this week, when I have the energy to type again!  :)

Love,

Kitt.

9-17-14 Chemo Day #4

"Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come." -- Psalm 71:3

I decided to let you into the secret world of a Chemo Day--in pictures!!

Anna made me two beautiful pillowcases for my couch pillow. You can also notice my wig, courtesy of the American Cancer Society. However, it kind of gives me a headache, so had to change to a comfy scarf for this day!

Chemo #4 About to begin

The happening place--Party Central.

Skipped the weighing me step--some things remain private!! Here she is accessing my port, the implanted device that they push all the drugs through. That means one stick, and it's pre-numbed with magical cream so I don't even feel that.

BP time.

Talking to the nurse, pre chemo.

Now, to the PA.

This is "The Bullpen" where some people get their chemo. I use this when I just need a shorter time, say of fluids, but prefer my own room for when we're doing the 8 hour day!

Waiting for chemo to start, talking on the phone.

One drug can cause peripheral neuropathy (numbness, tingling, pain in feet and hands). To help combat this they put ice packs on hands and feet during the time that is administered. 

Anna went and got lunch from Braeda.

Cookie from lunch--Q for Queen, obviously

 Nap time. I woke myself up with a terrible, awful snore. My first words to Anna? "That was not snoring." I'm not sure just what it was, though!  :)

The reason chemo takes so long is that one drug causes bad stuff to happen in your kidneys, so they give me three bags of fluids through out the day to flush it out of there. The result? Lots of trips to the potty, taking all my drugs with me.

No cameras in here, please!! 

This is the high tech IV pole that administers multiple meds at one time. 

Anna, my Chemo Buddy and I at the end of the day.

Song of the week, sent to me by Natalie:

Victor's Crown

http://youtu.be/_2nBOGA6X2g

Tumor is down to 1 x 1.5 cm now!! YAY!!! Of course, that is just the manual measurement, so it is not as accurate as if they were doing monthly MRI's, but it gets harder and harder for her to find it each time. I had to point out about where it is before she felt it this time. 

And today I am feeling much better than last week one day after chemo. But, I think it is time for a nap now--no one is here to tell me if I snore!

Love, 

Kitt.

9-13-14 Next Week Looms...

"O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

Good morning!

I've been feeling really good this week--almost normal again (except for the severe compulsion to take a 2-3 hour nap each afternoon!) But, whenever I start to feel this good…next week looms. It's a true case of living life in the now…not worrying about tomorrow.

A couple things I forgot to tell you last time…

TUMOR REPORT

When I first was diagnosed, this tumor measured 6 cm. x 6 cm. (Yes, I know, don't ask me how I missed that in my self-exams!!) That was determined by the MRI. During treatment I have a little mini-exam before each chemo session and they manually measure. Here are the statistics:

7-2014        6 cm.             MRI

8-6-2014     2 x 3.5 cm     Manually measured

8-27-2014   1.5 x 3 cm     The doctor said if she didn't know there was a tumor there and where it was, she would not have been able to feel it!!!!! YAY!!!

So, I am hopeful it will be gone next Tuesday!! Totally!! Wouldn't that be wonderful? That is what the doctor's goal is--that is called something like a complete pathological response, which means it totally responded to chemotherapy and vanished. We still would finish all the chemo sessions--to make sure every cell that is cancerous is dead. And we still will go ahead with surgery when chemo is complete, but it would be so nice to have it all gone now. Before surgery the surgeon will ask for another MRI so he can know exactly what he's dealing with and where it is. We want that one to be clear.

The second thing I forgot to tell you last time is that I was reading a book that dealt with just Triple Negative cancer. It was written by a professor from the University of Iowa who was diagnosed with this form of breast cancer a few years ago. She cites statistics saying that if you have a complete pathological response followed by surgery there is a 90% statistical probability that the cancer will NOT return. Now, I am married to a business professor who works with statistics a lot. I know people can interpret statistics to serve their own purposes, but so much of what you read about Triple Negative is very depressing…"aggressive," "high rate of recurrence," "higher mortality rate." It was nice to read something encouraging. I am choosing to believe this statistic.

My life is dictated by the chemo cycle right now. Week #1--Lay on the couch and sleep. Wait for time to pass. Eat meals on the couch. Week #2--Perk up a bit. Rejoin Loy at the supper table. Help with the cooking. Week #3--Whooppee!!! Live it up!! Drive places!! Shop!!

This week I was so stir crazy I had four different things planned. Monday evening: art class provided by the hospital to cancer survivors. It was free, so I went. I do not have an artistic bone in my body, but it was a lot of fun. We made fused glass pendants--I probably did about ten of them. They are being fired in the kiln now, but we'll see if any of them turned out wearable!!  Tuesday evening: Bible study reunion. The girls came and we all drank lemon slushes and talked about what's been happening during the last four months. Incredibly fun. Wednesday evening: make up class put on by the American Cancer Society. I've never worn tons of make up but wanted to learn how to do eyeliner (in case my eyelashes fall out) and had heard about the terrific gift bag of high end make up they give you. It was a good evening also. Then Thursday it was time for my massage (I get one each week before chemo. Thank you, Loy!!!) What a great week!!

So, if you're a praying person, would you please pray for these things:

1. That a the tumor would be gone.
2. That I would not get so light headed the week following chemo.
3. That every single cell that is cancerous or will turn to cancer would be killed.
4. That I would not let my mind wander to worse case scenarios--that happens especially at night before I fall asleep.

This song has been around for a few years, but even during Week #1 I do a little dance when I hear it (really, I do!!) (Dolores, click on the word "Overcomer" below to hear the song!)  :)

Overcomer

Thank you all!!

Kitt Out.

On a day when I'm feeling blue I get a picture like this. What terrific medicine this is!! Payton now calls them "Payts and Carts." I love these little monkeys!!!

9-6-14 Get ready to be Loved!!

Here's the picture of me heading off to Chemo #3. And, for my photographer brother, I know that Luke's picture makes it look like I have feathers coming off my head--I liked it that way!!! Made me feel kind of like the Statue of Liberty!

So, I am halfway done. I know I should be feeling this great sense of accomplishment. What I feel is disheartened because I have to go through this three more times. Sometimes it just feels like more than I can do. I have to remember that it IS more than I can do. God will sustain me and carry me.

Last Tuesday I went in for my post-chemo neulasta shot, which is the shot that encourages my blood to become strong again. (For your own information, six years ago they could do that shot at the end of chemotherapy, but the insurance company has determined that it is better to make a patient come in the next day. Just 'cuz, I guess.) They called me back for the shot and the nurse said, "Any side effects?" I had never mentioned my light headedness to the office, figuring it was a normal side effect. But, this time I said, "Oh, I'm a little dizzy." The nurse said, "Since you're here do you want me to take your blood pressure?" I agreed, since I was there. She took it and its was 80/40!! (Normal is about 120/80!) She said, "I'm going to have to talk to a doctor." I had to have two liters of fluid, which took about two hours, but I sure felt better when it was done.

Dealing with Chemo Tip:   I think I told you before that I had my head shaved during Week #1 - Post Chemo. It was pretty short, but I still had nubs. Until Week #3 - Post Chemo, when quite a few of the nubs took loose and fell out. But not all. Then during Week #3 - Post Chemo #2 more nubs fell out. But not all. It would look better if they just ALL fell out. But I couldn't get them to let loose. So, here's my neat idea for getting that totally skinhead look--duct tape. I put duct tape on my nubs and then pulled. Got quite a few of those babies, too!  :) Next week is Week #3 - Post Chemo #3. We'll see if the last hangers-on come out.

I've been reading various cancer books and twice in the past week I have seen a quote to the effect that once you are diagnosed with cancer, "Be prepared to be loved." I have found that to be so true. I get encouraging emails and cards almost every day--and I love every single one of them. When I go to church I feel like a rock star! People tell me they are praying for me all the time. It really DOES make you realize how blessed you are with friends!!

Have a great weekend!!

Love,

Kitt.