10-29-14 LAST ONE!!!

Well, yesterday was the LAST CHEMO…EVER!!! (I figured I'd play the optimist with that prediction!) It's crazy, but I was more anxious and nervous about this one than any of the past ones. I figure maybe it was because for every single other chemo I have had at least two days where I felt normal and I had zero normal days this time. But, I made it through.

The doctor said she is not sure if she can feel the tumor or if it's just scar tissue (since the tumor was kind of right near the old scar.) I have an MRI scheduled for the 17th (we have to wait a while so this chemo has a chance to work), then I see the doctor on the 18th and have blood work and get cleared for surgery. I go straight to the surgeon after than and he checks me out and then schedules surgery--they said it would probably be the same week!! Then let the real recuperating begin!!

I am waiting for my ride now to go get my $7,500 shot, then will camp out on the couch the rest of the day…errr..week. But I keep thinking, "This is the last time. This is the last time." It's a good feeling. Makes up for the shaky legs and jittery fingers and icky taste in my mouth and light-headedness.

The elder prayer session was very special to me. I sort of hoped I'd feel this burning in my boob which would indicate the tumor was exploding or dying or something, but no… Maybe God chose to work a little more non-dramatically.

That's all for me right now. Just thought I'd share my joy with you!!

Love,

Kitt.

10-23-24 Circle the Wagons

Well, my LAST chemo session is next Tuesday!!!! Yippee!!! I keep thinking, "One week from now, that will be over!" I am so glad to say good bye to this portion of my life! FOREVER!!!

This Sunday the Elders at my church are going to pray over me. I don't always understand just why God's ways work (OK, usually I don't understand the mind of God!) but I know He tells us to have the Elders pray: "Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord." --James 5:14 

And He tells us that: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." --James 5:16

And also: "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." --Matthew 7:7

Or how about this one?  "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. 'There was a judge in a certain city,' he said, 'who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’

"Then the Lord said, 'Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?'”  --Luke 18:1-8

So, it's kind of a mystery how God decides to answer prayer. Or why we need to ask more than once. But, He says again and again to pray and keep praying and to have others pray. So, I'm taking Him at His word and asking the Elders--and You--to pray for me this Sunday (October 26) at 12:00. 

Here are my prayer requests:

1. That this final chemo on Tuesday, October 28,  would kill, annihilate, obliterate, eliminate, eradicate all the remaining cancer. Or any cells that will ever turn into cancer. Forever.

2. That I would tolerate the final chemo--this last one has been tough. I've had to have two different magnesium IV sessions (not painful--just a bother). Lack of magnesium causes fatigue and muscle weakness. So, I do a little bit then rest. Then do a little bit, then rest. 

3. That surgery would be able to be scheduled in November. That when Dr. Norris does surgery he would be very thorough and skilled. That I would recuperate quickly from surgery--physically and emotionally.

4. That Loy and I would have stamina for the remainder of treatment/surgery. We're tired and worn and beat up. Oh so tired. 

5. I don't want them to pray this one, but probably should add it…that no matter what happens, I will be able to rely on and trust in God's will and goodness. (I don't want to pray this one because it acknowledges that things may not turn out the way I want them to.)

This week was Loy's fall break so we did do a few things…saw the "Alexander" movie, which is really cute--even if you don't take kids. Drove around two state parks to look around--sat on a park bench while Loy checked out the falls. (Falls? In Nebraska???) Ate noodles on top of mashed potatoes on top of toast at a small town cafe and loved every bite of it!

Thank you for all the praying. Thank you for all the cards and gift cards and scarves and earrings and visits and lemon slushes and notebooks and books and DVD's and music CD's you've sent me. I really feel the love!!

Kitt.

10-14-14 Pink Power

He will cover you with his feathers.

    He will shelter you with his wings.

    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

…

I will reward them with a long life.     

 --Psalm 91-ish

This is Post Chemo Week and I've been getting a few emails asking how I'm doing, so it must be time to write something. The trouble is…my life is pretty slow right now. 

I have just one chemo left, praise the Lord!! That will be on October 28. Then I will have scans and, when the doctor deems me fit, will schedule surgery, hopefully before December 1. (I have Blue Cross insurance and I only have until December 1 to have the surgery at STE--after that I have to go to Bryan. I have nothing against Bryan, just that all my stuff and records is at STE.) 

Chemo has gotten progressively worse. Well, let me clarify that. The actual chemo session is no worse. The side effects the following three weeks are what's getting worse. And I guess that is to be expected. The tumor is shrinking, but I had hoped it would be totally annihilated by now and, evidently, it is still there. Just smaller. But, smaller is good… 

What does it feel like to be recovering from chemo? First few days there is lightheadedness--so much that I may take a knee while walking to the kitchen or in the shower. (I only shower when Loy is around those first few days.) Next, I progress on to the worst taste in my mouth that you've ever tasted! After a couple delightful days of that, we move on to feeling like you feel when you're just recovering from a bout of the real influenza. You know what I mean…when you get up to do something incredibly hard like get a drink and you think, "Gee, I've got to go lay down. My legs feel funny." But, thankfully, God made our bodies so they can bounce back and one day (I'm guessing tomorrow) I wake up and think, "Made it." 

I am pretty much totally bald now, which DOES cut off a lot of time in front of the mirror in the mornings. I got one wig--a sporty little red one. Personally, I think I look incredibly cute in it, but it gives me a headache, so I wear it sparingly. Just when I want to go out without strangers looking at me and knowing I am sick. ("Oh, she is so brave to be out!") Usually I do scarves or hats. And, just for the record, bald heads get COLD!!! I mean, just in bed! I figure that maybe by Christmas I may be able to sport just short, short hair. We'll see how fast it comes back in. Hope it's not white…but I'll take care of that if it is!  :)

I sold my car to my sister (for some of her 13 kids). Loy had told me a couple years ago I could get a new car whenever I was ready, but I liked my 10 year old Camry and it was a good car. But, when I got cancer I thought, "Gee…I have CANCER. I'm getting a new car." I was all set on a Prius (but I'm not planning on getting the new car until AFTER chemo is done.) but then put a search into a  website and a sporty little Cadillac came up as my perfect car. I may have to rethink this car thing! I only drive one out of three weeks right now. The first week I'm kind of drugged, so don't drive. Loy thinks I'm kind of spacey and goofy the second week (I beg to differ) but I humor him and don't drive that week either. That leaves me Week #3 to drive, and since he walks to work, it's doable for now. But the car question is consuming my thoughts often these days.

Well, that's about it for me right now. I watch way too much TV and sleep lots. Richard Castle (do you watch that show?) is my new best friend. My dogs are getting fat and lazy sleeping on the couch with me. And I plan trips…constantly. I have a map over the couch and the trips that I've planned with take us years to complete!! This weekend we will head to Sioux Falls for a child dedication of the two cutest kiddoes in the world. 

Kitt Out.

10-5-14 Bum…ba bum…ba bum ba bum ba bum (JAWS theme)

Well, Chemo #5 (out of 6) is fast approaching. And I hear that sinister music pretty much all the time. It's kind of disheartening to just start to feel better and know you have to go in and feel crummy again.

Tuesday I will spend the day in the company of the chemo nurses.

This Chemo cycle has been a little tougher. While I haven't felt TERRIBLE, I haven't bounced back to feeling good. Tired, tired, tired. And my stomach is not feeling right. I shopped one day this week for an hour and fifteen minutes and about died!! I wasn't sure I would make it back to the car!! That shows you how tired I am--unable to shop!

Last weekend I got a bad case of self-pity and pretty much had to make sure I was hydrating--the tears just kept coming. That has passed, thankfully.

If you think of me, could you please pray:

That I wouldn't focus so much on what's coming up as just living today.

That next cycle would go a bit smoother--fast recovery.

That I would not get discouraged.

That every single cancer cell, every single cell that might turn into a cancer cell, would be killed by this chemo. (Actually, the chemo they are giving me does not kill the cancer. It messes with it's DNA making it unable to reproduce.)

I'll update later this week, when I have the energy to type again!  :)

Love,

Kitt.