Here in Nebraska the sun is shining (something we have not seen for several days) and the temperatures are going to get above the 40's--clear up to almost 70 degrees!! Trees are budding out and life seems doable again.
Last week, after 47 (YES--47!!!!) days my surgical drain was finally removed. I guess it is just unheard of for a drain to be needed that long. Yay me, for setting the record. But it gave me such an appreciation of how good it feels to NOT have it. It was sort of the final thing before I could close the book on this non-fun chapter of my life.
But, what now????
I am home lots now, since I'm not working, and have time to ponder deep, deep thoughts. Thoughts like "Shall I nap on the couch or the bed?" or "If a person wears perfume into a closed crowded room, does the perfume have a fragrance for less time than if it was a not-crowded room?" I talk to (and for) the dogs a lot. Out loud. Even when I'm alone. I read lots, play phone games lots, watch TV lots. Is this what I want to be???
In the past few years Loy and I have known several people whose life has not turned out like they expected. Whether it's through health-issues, financial disaster, husband leaving, death, they are not living the life they planned. That's the reason we went to St. Kitt's Island last summer. We decided that if there's something we want to do, we'd just better do it, not wait. (And St. Kitt's was a dream of mine.)
But, what now????
I thought of making a bucket list. "Things to do Before I Die." Travel is big--to Door County, Boston, New York City, Prince Edward Island, all 50 states in one trip, Italy, and Australia, among other exotic or domestic destinations. To go camping in a tent. To start participating in 5K's (but walking, not running). To go geocaching. To take lots of dance classes. To go to a breast cancer survivor camp. To start kayaking on lakes.
But those all seem self-serving somehow. It's all about me. Is that what I want to be known for?
Then I thought maybe I should think about what I want my tombstone to say. Loving. Funny. Devoted. God-Loving. Fun (that's different than funny). Pray-er. Thoughtful. Hard-worker. Joyous. Servant. Peaceful. Gentle. Kind. Faithful.
These are good, but how am I going to achieve this??? Albert Einstein (not a Christian, but a real smart guy!) said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Is that what I'm trying to do? Just keep on in my own way and expect these wonderful adjectives to be used about me?
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" Galatians 5:22-23
So, it's nothing I do...it's the Holy Spirit giving me these big, juicy, ripe, sweet fruits. Fruit so good that it just dribbles down my chin. But that brings us to the next question...how do I get Him to do that for me???
It's been brought to my attention that, evidently, I am known more for what I'm against than what I'm for. I have become a bag of "Do Not's". I guess it's so evident that even if something is not a moral issue for me, just something I don't like (like, for example, because I don't like mint it may be assumed that I think everyone is sinning if they like mint), it is attributed to my faith. This hurts. I don't mean to be like that.
What am I doing about it? I am trying to spend consistent time reading the Bible, God's instruction book. I am spending time with other believers in study group and at church. I am trying (and this is probably the hardest for me because I don't like to sit still) to be still and pray. Each day. For me and my attitude and my words and my thoughts. I am trying to watch words that come out of my mouth. And, while I am doing these things, I have to remember that I cannot work hard enough to make me full of sweet fruit. But the more I know about God, the more I spend time with Him, the more His ways will instill themselves in me.
Does that make any sense at all? I told you, I've got lots of time to ponder the imponderables!!
I will, undoubtedly, fail again and again in this new resolve. I pray that God will keep calling me back, again and again.
You are my friends and family. I love you. You have carried me through again and again, especially in these last months. Thank you, again and again!!
BTW, my hair is getting close to being long enough so I don't feel compelled to wear hats and scarves. Still uber short--I'm like a fuzz ball. New hair feels so delicate and soft!!! I just need it to fill in a bit more around the crown. I can't wait!!!
This is a picture from my recent trip to Phoenix. These incredibly old men are my brothers, Den and Tim. :)
