I'm going to give you all some valuable life lessons today. About how things REALLY are. It's all in the very elusive "Secret Book of Aging and Love."
I'll start out with...I thought I'd be so much wiser by now. Really. But, inside my head, I don't feel much different than the 25-year-old I once was. (Notice, I didn't go back to 16-years-old...I guess I HAVE made some progress since then!) My outsides may be 57, but inside, I feel YOUNG.
When Loy and I first got married we started a photo album of comics that we thought were funny. After 35 years, we have quite a book. But, when I looked through it a couple days ago I was struck by how our humor has shifted. I can still look at those first comics--lots of Cathy or Funky Winkerbean--and think they are humorous. Some even bring a smile. Then there was a Baby Blues period. Lots of cartoons about parenting young kids. You guessed it, we then moved on to the Zits section. Dealing with teen angst.
Now? Yep...we are totally LOVING Pickles. We think that one is hilarious!! And so true to life.
Maybe there has been some inward maturing and wisdom-gaining...
I work with elderly people now and I am learning that, while their bodies are failing and they nap often and they need help in the bathroom, they still want to feel like a person. They still want physical touch--thus, I put on a lot of lotion!--and they still want to hear that they are doing well. And I still want all that too.
Kids, take note...
- time will pass quickly...really
- someday you will want to tell your parents "Oh, Mom...I GET it now!"
- we did the best we could--we tried really hard
My friend's elderly mother says, "You can either become grumpy or twinkly." I'm working on twinkly!!
Next, I'll address the sexiness of life. (I think I heard my kids just gag and click off this blog!! :) )
I told Loy the other day, "I am overweight. I am balding. I have no boobs. And now I have a CPAP machine. I just get sexier and sexier." Poor Loy.
Overweight-I can hear it now from some of my contemporaries (not the young things): "You're not overweight!" I am blessed to be small-boned and I have noticed that people never seem to think I weigh as much as I do. And other people don't get/have to see me naked (thank heavens!!) I weigh more than I should. Maybe 20 pounds over.
I waffle between thinking, "A Grammy has to have a little meat on her bones! It makes me snuggly." to "I want to be this active, hiking, swimming-laps grammy." But, facts are that extra weight contributes to breast cancer; extra weight makes people snore; extra weight contributes to GERD (which I also have!). Twenty pounds. That's all. And I just cannot do it. Cookies=Good.
If breast cancer would ever return, I know I cannot think that it was my fault. BUT...I would always wonder if I had just lost that 20--would that have made a difference???
Balding-I have read that some bc survivors are suing the makers of taxol because it sometimes causes permanent baldness. I was on taxol. My hair is very, very thin and has patches where the scalp shows through quite a bit. I color it now (well, Lori colors it!) so that I get credit for every single hair on my shiny scalp. But I can say without question that I'd rather be bald than dead. So I will not be joining the lawsuit.
Just a side note...I found a magic powder made of hair fibers that is dark brown. You sprinkle it on the sparse spots and, while it does nothing to grow hair, it makes the shiny, white scalp look like my hair color. It camouflages my spots! Sounds weird, I know, but it works and makes me feel quite hairy!
No Boobs-No comment needed, I guess. It is what it is. I will add that I have absolutely ZERO regret about not having reconstruction. Just threw that bit of opinion in there for free!
CPAP-I have had a snoring problem for several years. Two years ago I had septoplasty to sort of roto-rooter out my sinuses. Didn't help. We tried a noise machine (because it doesn't really bother me to snore, but Loy was ending up in the guest room on most nights!) The machine reminded us of frying bacon and we got hungry. I got a dental appliance which actually helped quite a bit...but it made my jaw really hurt and I couldn't chew for 2/3 of each day. CPAP it is.
The good news is that it is quiet--no noise at all. That surprised me. The bad news is that I am tethered. I look like a Borg (if you don't know what that is you're obviously NOT a Trekkie.) I spend the first hour of each night counting my breaths and consciously breathing in and then out and then in and then out. More good news--reports are that I am very quiet at night now. I can't tell that I'm feeling more rested, but I have noticed that I don't get up to use the potty overnight anymore. Evidently I was waking myself up with the snoring more than I knew!
Now, the lessons:
- To You Young Thangs: Don't base your love for someone on looks. They change. Seriously. They do. Look beyond--or inward. Love is really about being broke and puking and and plucking ingrown hairs and rogue whiskers and diarrhea and sagging and still loving. It's taking care of each other through it all. It's about never even joking about getting a divorce. About feeling safe with each other.
- To Men: BLL. (That means "Be Like Loy.") When I was totally bald he made a conscious point to rub my shiny little head. It wasn't something to be avoided or ignored. That meant the world to me. I looked OK, I was not grotesque, I did not need to hide from him. We don't look like we once did, but we still need to hear that we are OK, that you still love us.
- To Me (and Women): I am more than boobs and hair. I am still the same person I was, just with more experience, more seasoned. I need to cultivate that inner Kitt and make sure she is attractive. After all, that's what matters.
Lecture? Yep. I guess I did.
Grumpy or twinkly?
Love,
Kitt.
You are a treasure!
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